Draft

Feeling.

The same feeling that I cant describe.

It is following me wherever I go. It is the mixture of anxiety and fear.

It never fail leading me to negative thoughts. And I hardly resist it.  

It attacks me whenever I feel lone at a not familiar place.

The same feeling I felt in there. and at China.

I wanted to know why. Why it guides me to negative thoughts? Why I feel like stopping the thing that i wanted to do?  Why it  came to me at the first place? 

Someone had asked me what do I want. I want a normal life.

nothing but a normal life. 

I never want those feelings control me. I never wanted to 'think much'.

I never wanted to cry. The only thing that I think was to stay strong when I was in there.

I just cant do it.I swear I tried. Sometimes the thought of being apart from family in that case,I admit I was too fragile. I was like suffering mentally, I dont have the guts to recollect my courage facing what I suffer from my way of thinking.

I laughed at myself at all time. I was able to give others the advices they need and assist them but on the other side I am the one who give up everything.